I got a glass of water out of the tap -
and I was thirsty for it,
really thirsty for it.
But something caught my eye, stopped me
cold in my tracks.
It was dirty yellow
and there were black flecks swimming around.
I took it to the light - god knows this wasn’t the first time
I’d seen the color,
but I couldn’t help have a small twinge
Perhaps it was just a reflection or my anxious
But of course upon closer inspection, I saw it clear as day -
it was everything I wished it was not.
I saw the swirling particles dancing around like
a nice little galaxy
or a tasty plankton dinner.
Yep, it was yellow again, damn sure of it.
A yellow glass of water in a $1.50 Beefeater glass -
I shook my head,
I thought about the estrogen,
all the fucking estrogen They say is in the water.
Apparently it’s from the birth control all the girls around here take.
Which means of course that their pee
is somehow making its way into my cool and not so refreshing beverage.
They say Los Angeles’ water is full of Percodan -
which sounds a hell of a lot more fun and relaxing than another goddamn hormone.
I thought about my periods -
how they were all fucked up from too much estrogen,
how I thought I was pregnant for 10 days out of the month
because I was always late and swelling up like fat
cinnamon roll in the oven.
"Yeah, it’s the estrogen in the water,"
I was told by the girl down at the herb shop.
She said I should buy a $500 water filter.
$500 fucking dollars just to keep my hormones running right.
So this yellow water,
this yellow water in my $1.50 Beefeater glass stared back at me
in a real condescending,
shit grinning, self possessed, son of a bitch sort of way -
it was saying,
“You’re an idiot.
Get your shit together lady.
$500 bucks isn’t very much cash. Not too much
to keep you from being a PMSing,
life loathing, cigarette smoking, evil, seething, dark demon bitch
for twice as long each month - too much estrogen.
You need to get a life girl, a big attitude change
and buy a mother fucking water filter. And while you’re at it,
never drink anything out of plastic again,
you’re too damned crazy for any more hormones!”
this is what this yellow water was saying to me -
I thought I was just thirsty.
I couldn’t help but retort -
I couldn’t help interject that, “The world
was a far too over crowded,
grimy, starving, seething, self-mutilating, self-destructing,
self-righteous, caged, gnawing, scrambling, imprisoned mess of a place.
A real C- on God’s part.
Nothing was pure anymore,
nothing was straight from the source.
Sure there were the flowers and the vistas and the alpine springs,
but everything was melting,
everything was breaking down.
The machine was faltering under our weight and would soon
to crush us and devour us like the center of a big black hole.
And I was going down with it -
maybe not under a Tsunami, but most certainly
at the hand of Mother Nature.
In one way or another she was going to take me down, even if I jumped -
even if I did it to myself.
I could just write a farewell note saying the estrogen
in my yellow water
had transformed me straight into a
stark raving lunatic
that was diving head first into the oblivion.
I would say
that over-population had inevitably driven my water to kill me - pure madness.
Water filter, fuck.
Cows lactating year after year with blisters in their utters - shot up like juiced linebackers -
harvesting more hormones for our pleasure.
This yellow water was really giving
me a hell of a time
and now the thought of drinking milk with estrogen in it
was thrown into the equation.
organic and hybrid and reduce
were flashing through my head - real annoying shit.
I belonged in the 19th century. I belonged in a time when people
believed that opium was good for a kids common cold
and resources were endless.
But here I sat in the twenty-first century
wondering what the estrogen was doing to my husband -
wondering if he too would find himself with
a pair of breasts and a really bad attitude.